Do the Voices in My Head Bother You?
I needed to get to know one of my main characters better, I have Mary engaging in a conversation with an imaginary psychiatrist to see what she may reveal. As I wrote in an earlier posting, The Old Green Bicycle I wanted to write freely without worrying about content or how simple it might appear to the reader. It was written in a way to get my creative juices flowing. So here we have it, a snippet of Mary talking to her psychiatrist about her younger sister Carol running off with her fiancé, Will, all those years ago.
Psychiatrist (Psy): How did you feel about what happened at the time?
Mary (M): How do you expect me to feel? Heartbroken. Angry. Embarrassed, foolish that I didn't see what was going on under my nose.
Psy: How do you feel about Carol?
M: They ran off together while I was in Hospital, following an accident that he caused. I'd broken my thigh bone so there I was in hospital trussed up like a turkey, unable to get put of bed or anything. Timing is all as they say. I couldn't react properly about her swanking off with Will. Did they elope there and then? I'm not sure.
Pay: You sound angry. You didn't react at the time?
M: I do don't I? I feel a burning rage. I thought I'd forgiven her after all these years. Too much time has passed and Carol disappeared off the face of the earth as far as I care. I feel this lingering emptiness that I don't know where she is. That she is okay? Mum never speaks of her now, though she used to receive letters from her for a few years after. For about ten years actually, Carol wrote a lot while not saying anything worth knowing. Or so mum said.
Psy: How did this affect you?
M: It opened my eyes, literally. The naive me disappeared overnight. My grandmother told me that despite what my mum had always said to me ~ that Carol was jealous of me and the town's heart throb, and good riddance to her ~ that I needed to love again like I'd never been hurt by love before. I had a close shave with Will, she deserved him. And so I did go on to love like never before. I'm onto my third husband ~ circumstances and all that.
Psy: How would you feel to meet Carol again?
M: She owes me an explanation. I'm curious. Despite everything, I'd like to know what happened to her. I need closure, I've unfinished business. I've suppressed emotions all my life.
M: I love too easily. I overcompensate for others. I didn't mourn my loss. I have a need to be happy, although I'm not needy. Will wouldn't recognise the woman I am nowadays.
It has occurred to me that maybe Will meant for the accident to happen on that damn bike. Maybe I was meant to be out of the way. What if that is true? What a coward he was ~ he showed no real concern when I was in hospital. Nor did he ever say sorry.
Mum wasn't too concerned at my being 'jilted,' although it wasn't at the altar. Nothing surprised her about what happened. I found that odd. She's a great keeper of secrets too.
Everything happens for a reason.
As I said earlier, it is simply written, and it allowed me to hear Mary's voice more sharply. She's still angry, though she's masked her emotions over the years. She also sounds confused over which emotion she ought to be feeling. The exercise fired my imagination further. Triggering ideas for Mary's motivation for when her past catches up with her to cause mischief and mayhem. In fact, my novel has become altogether a much darker story.