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The Joys, or Otherwise, of Being a Writer

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 12:15:05 GMT

I know, I know, here I go again after a long gap of not being here...procrastinating for all its worth...

Things I find difficult or just plain annoying about writing (in no particular order).

Imposter syndrome.

Really difficult to deal with. Does any writer find the process easy? Straightforward? Of course not.

Are we delusional to think we can even dare to put metaphorical pen to paper? Maybe.

The emotional aspects of being vulnerable, putting 'your baby' out there, can be crippling. But we have to continue nevertheless.

Have I left it too late? What have you been doing with your life? Keeping a roof over my head and food on the table that's what.

Developing a career and gaining life experiences will offer authenticity and credibility to my work.

Those Non-Writer Friends who love to offer the benefit of their unsolicited advice on the writing process, telling you 'how to do it.' Saying to you, "What a nice little hobby you have."

I think you're mistaking this for knitting or golf. Writing is not a hobby for me, and I'm aware at how pretentious that might sound. Whatever I'm up to I would like to be taken seriously, so thank heavens for my cheer leaders!

Linked with this attitude, is not understanding if once upon a time, I was asked to submit articles for publication in professional journals, and presented at Conference, are they not transferable skills? What are you doing wrong?

Cue 'eye roll.'

Finding like minded people locally. Oh, the stories I could tell in the search for writing groups! Think I'll leave for another posting.

Re-establishing routines when motivation has been lost. You really do have to do something in the writing sphere every day, even if it's a gratitude journal entry. The ability to give yourself a kick up the backside should not be underestimated. Nevertheless, losing your mojo for whatever reason is horrible.

Being rejected by agents. Goes without saying that being turned down by agents is part of the process. I've been lucky as I've had mostly 'nice' rejections. On the other hand, it's frustrating to know my work is liked but " not for us this time. " I've stopped overthinking their responses , and driving myself crazy, at what it all might mean. A no is a no, but at least I'm trying.

Being asked to write for free. I have written articles for magazines, websites and so on, but no longer do so.

"It'll be good experience." "It gets your name out there." It was a good experience to a point, but expecting me to do so for free, because I'm an unpublished author, is bordering exploitative. It becomes a distraction as I should be focused on my Work in Progress (WiP).

Things I Love About Being a Writer.

Being my creative self. I've long dabbled in writing and now have the luxury of being able to focus full- time. Even though Imposter Syndrome and lack of Motivation are the twins perch ing on my shoulder, I do m y best to ignore .

When I get into the rhyme and rhythm of writing I get into my authentic Self. I feel happy, even on the days I'm tearing my hair out or being reduced to tears. What more does anyone want in their life than to be who they are meant to be?

I can write in my pyjama's with messy hair all day, fuelled by cups of coffee, and who cares? No-one!

I love the art and craft of writing. There's always something new to learn. Polish your craft and take on board constructive criticism.

When of the best non-fiction books I've read this year is, The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. It's not a text book by any means, and nor is it meant to be. What it is, is a wonderful, immersive world of what it is to create. An inspiring book to dip in and out of.

The joy in creating a piece of Art. Watching something grow and develop to completion ( and yes, it does feel like I'm sometimes watching myself go through the process), even if it is as yet unpublished I've achieved something.

Pride in the creative process. I'm in awe of how anyone actually gets to see their work in print!

Supportive friends who gift notebooks. If you know, you know.

I'm sure there's lots more I could add...how about you, what do you love and hate about writing?

Five Words For The Future

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 13:14:23 GMT

Last year Wasn't Good for Me and Writing

It's been a while since I've been here, hasn't it, and what can I say? Lost my mojo maybe? Writers block, although some say there's no such thing and just keep writing through it. Far greater writers than I have suffered being unable to write. I lost motivation, finding it impossible to put metaphorical pen to paper. One morning a couple of weeks back I woke up and said to myself, today's the day. Just like that! I started writing again in earnest. With passion and joy. I don't know what, how or why, I no longer question it. It is what it is. What may have triggered it though, was hearing someone being asked in an interview the question: How do you see your future in five words?

Brilliant Question! What ARE my five words? The beauty of the question and your answer is that it doesn't have to be static. Your chosen words are not cast in stone. The words will morph into other words of significance as life ebbs and flows. So here are mine:

Thriving

Implies personal growth and with it self-care. Taking time to be still. I practice stillness first thing of a morning, a meditation of sorts. To be in the quiet, not thinking, not doing for about fifteen minutes. Sets my day up in a calm way.

Reflecting on what success means to me ~ for sure it is not in material things (excluding Books). Trying to not negatively compare myself with others as a writer.

To do things large and small ~ trying to say yes more.

Gentle testing of bravery in new ventures.

A wise woman once told me, "Respond, don't react." Don't let toxic people test your spirit.

Dartmouth

My favourite place to be in England ~ my second home.

A place where I go to 'retreat,' relax and chill.

The town's people are friendly.

Time slows down.

A town that is full of history, interesting nooks and crannies and secret pathways.

Friendships

Friends are everything, and it's the quality not quantity in friendships. I'm very lucky I can count on beautiful friendships that have my back, or who I could ring in the middle of the night when disaster strikes. Who offer support without judgement. Laugh til we cry, sharing the same sense of the ridiculous. Sharing tears when life takes a downturn. Friendships where we may not see each other all the time, and nevertheless, pick up where we left off. Wonderful, spirited women who I've known decades and others seemingly met only five minutes ago. Priceless! Oh, and goes without saying they are happily reciprocal friendships!

Joy

Seek joy in life, even in the mundane.

Be curious in the world about you.

Walk in nature. Read that book. Marvel at the night sky.

Learn a new skill ~ I'm trying to learn French beyond my school girl skills and would like to take learning seriously this year.

Enjoy a conversation with a stranger or friend.

Accept compliments.

Practice self care.

Don't let toxic people still your joy.

Art

"Every child is an artist; the problem is staying and artist when you grow up," Pablo Picasso.

Art brings colour and joy into our lives ~ without art we truly have nothing.

Enjoy Art in all its forms ~ doesn't have to be expensive nor should it be elitist.

Haven't been to the Summer Exhibition in London for a very long time ~ this summer!

Try something new. Practice old skills.

Immerse self in books, film, music, art and museums.

All five words, thriving, Dartmouth, friendships, joy and art, are not mutual exclusive. Neither do they mention 'Writing.' What they do is entwine and support me ~ make my world a better place, give meaning to my existence and therefore, I hope, make me a better writer.

Je t'aime Paris, Je t'aime

Tue, 27 Sep 2022 14:49:40 GMT

Quick trip to Paris

A quick trip to Paris at the weekend, a taster of what might be, was just what was needed. Paris really does have a certain je ne sais quoi, and here are my reflections on two days in Paris.

How we got there.

We travelled by Eurostar from St Pancras station in London to the Gare du Nord in Paris. Checking in, tickets scanned from our phones. Passport control and security was easy peasy. Allow yourself an hour and half (though it only took us twenty minutes in line to the waiting area), but allow a good 2 hours when coming back home from Paris ~ it took a long while to get checked in and everything. Check the Eurostar website for up to date travel details. I should add although we were prepared, we were not asked for our Covid status. Not sure if this is now the usual way, or a mistake, or the website had not been updated for information. Nevertheless, the journey was super fast, two and a quarter hours from city centre to city centre.

Hotel.

We book via Eurostar a train hotel package. Staying at a lovely hotel on Boulevard Montemarte, accessed via the beautiful Passage Jouffroy, in the 9th arrondissement, bordering on the 2nd arrondissement ~ perfect central location. We walked miles around the area, down to the Left Bank, each area having a different vibe. Paris really is a compact city, but don't try to see it all in a day or two! We deliberately chose not to book to visits this time to e.g. Eiffel Tower or the Louvre. Next time!

French Architecture.

French architecture is amazing, I don't even know where to start. Everywhere you look is beautiful and ornate, designed to bring you joy. Even doorways have a shabby chic-ness about them

Cafe culture.

Café culture is alive and well as we rested sore feet and watching the world go by. Coffee and pastries were delicious as were snacks. A Croque Monsieur at Cafe Zephyr took a cheese toastie to a new level.

Menus are in french with english translation written underneath. Except Menu's are called 'la carte,' confusingly. Menu means something else apparently ~ think it's a meal offer from certain cafe's and Boulangeries. Accept your order as it comes, unless you're allergic to an ingredient. They really do know best and won't take kindly to being given 'orders.'

Oh, and if you like ice in your drink you need to ask for it.

We chose cafés and restaurants at random and found the locals were enjoying the food and ambiance too. A good sign.

We found the waiters to be polite, friendly and helpful. Incredibly hard working, they managed Service with a smile without it all being a hassle. If you're unsure what to do initially, as the cafe's can look like organised chaos, take a seat and you will be served. The waiters seem to magically know you are there~they don't miss a thing. If a waiter is in the vicinity of a doorway, do know how to say hello in french and how to ask for a table ~ it will pay dividends and make your experience run smoothly. Once served, they will leave you alone (they are trained to do so), and will let you sit there without being hurried out. Oh, and it may take longer to be served than you might be used to ~ go with the flow, it's all part of the experience. You will need to catch the waiter's eye to ask for the bill. Know how to ask in french ~ l'addition s'il vous plait (sounds like ad-diss-e-on, run the syllables together). Or, miming the universal 'signing a cheque,' (not that cheques are used). We paid cash, but you can use a card.

Tip culture is not a thing here ~ no working out 10 or 20 percent of the bill. A few coins is a nice gesture but not expected.

The French and Speaking French.

Listening to french voices and trying to hear what we could pick up and understand. I ought to say, Parisian's appear to be discrete and use their 'indoor voice' outside. The French do speak at a rate of knots. Tune in and listen for the key words to get the gist (if you're not fluent in French).

Talking of communicating, even if you're hopeless at languages, it will help you considerably if you know the basic's. From our experience, they were delighted if we spoke a little french as it is seen as being polite and respectful ~ key factors in French culture. So, at the very least know how to say:

Bonjour (Bon Soir of an evening) is the magic word ~ do not forget to say Bonjour before anything else and don't ignore if it is spoken to you, you need to reply with same ~ it really will help to smooth the way. Even entering shops expect to say Bonjour!

S'il vous plait ~ formal french for please.

Je voudrais ~ I would like...what ever it is, pointing at the menu or item in a shop.

Je voudrais quelque chose ~ I would like something. Or you might say in a Patiserrie, "Je prende un croissant s'il vous plait." I'll take a croissant please. Not forgetting to say Bonjour first! I know I'm labouring it, but it is important.

Merci / Merci beaucoup ~ thank you / thank you very much.

Aurevoir ~ goodbye. You might hear added, bonne journée ~ have a good day, to which you can reply, "Et vous aussi," and you too.

There's a lovely phrase you might hear while shopping, "Vous à trouve ton bonheur?" Have you found your happiness? The answer of course is Oui!

Know how to count a little. There were only two of us, and entered a restaurant being able to say, "Bonjour, deux sur place, s'il vous plait," made our waiter smile, ushered us in with a huge smile and spoke to us in 'franglais.' They were delightful I must say.

Parisian beauty.

Parisian women have a natural beauty, believing skincare is more important than wearing a mask of make up ~ and it shows for they glowed! They wear style over fashion and look so put together ~ even teenagers. I suspect that considerable effort goes into looking effortless. Parisian men looked groomed and put together too, wearing a jacket and scarf just so.

There has been much said about how the French stay slim, despite eating all the good food, including cheese, carbs and delicious pastries. They just don't eat 'goodies' every day. The other noticeable thing is, generally speaking, eating on the street or snacking seems to be a no-no. Maybe that is their secret. And wearing 'flats,' walking everywhere.

Madame.

Being called "Madame," was wonderful and an unexpected joy! It was polite and respectful, and made my day.

In fact, we found Parisian's to be polite and not grumpy at all. I saw no evidence of women being harassed or stared at.

Parisian smells.

Paris smells nice! Perfumes, pastries, bread and occasionally cigar smoke. It did not smell of piss. Are men pissing in public a thing of the past. I hope so!

Noisy!

Paris is noisy though. Stereotypical sounds of scooters, vehicle horns and police sirens.

The Police were visible throughout the City ~ not a bad thing. Smartly dressed and looked the business. You wouldn't want to argue with them.

Paris Traffic.

I'm sure there are rules of the road in Paris but you'd be hard pressed to know what they are. Traffic appears chaotic and every one for themselves. Zig zagging from lane to lane, however it does seem to work. Paris appears to have lots of 'one ways,' and narrow streets ~ apart from the well known Boulevards. Worth noting that if the light is green for pedestrians to cross the road, vehicles can still catch you out ~ they don't seem to stop pedestrian crossings.

The Metro.

The Metro (underground) system was easy to use and navigate. Quick, efficient and clean. 1.90 euro for all journey's and use within an hour and a half, I believe, which is long enough to get from A to B. From our experience you need to pay by card. Oh, and be aware there are stairs, lots of them.

Oh Paris, I miss you already and can't wait to go back soon for a longer visit. We couldn't fault our visit at all.

2022 Whats in Store?

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 12:48:19 GMT

Things I've redefined about life last year

Hello and Happy New Year!

There's no doubt it's been a tough couple of years and 2021 was unexpected ~ didn't we think it'll all be over by last summer? I know I did. Just as well we don't have a crystal ball or we'd never get out of bed. Two things I love to do, reading and writing novels, began to like a chore. Unheard of! I wanted to do both, but it didn't feel like fun any more. I'm not overly competitive when it comes to writing, however I was feeling a little jaded and disappointed for not achieving what I had set out to do ~ Publish a novel. So I quietly stepped back and this is what I discovered. In no particular order...

* Self care is important. Always. We can forget ourselves and who we are at the best of times, never mind during a Pandemic. Sometimes stepping off the treadmill, even when self-imposed, is useful and healing. I now feel more aligned, a better 'fit' with my surroundings.

* Listen to your inner wisdom and intuition ~ acknowledge the meanings the universe is sending and act upon them.

* Go out and about in nature.

* Be kind to yourself. Put yourself first for once.

* Distance self from toxic persons. While it makes for a great novel, in real life not so much.

* What does true friendship look and feel like for me? How to be meaningful in someone's life? Am I a good friend in return? If not, is the friendship universe trying to tell you something? I tell you, and this works both ways, I know for sure who my besties are. Who has my back? Stay connected to the one's who bring joy and love even in the darkest times.

* Don't forget to breathe and chill. So important. I have a small Singing Bowl that helps me to relax and be calm when I'm feeling a bit frazzled.

* Knowing my inner strength and resilience. Re-affirmed I am a survivor.

* Kindness and gratitude win every time no matter what others do. Integrity and authenticity are key to relationships and how we present ourselves, I think.

* Lastly, I feel ready to go forth into 2022. My reading and writing mojo has returned and I've made some decisions.

* I will do a final querying round of The Longing before putting in a metaphorical drawer. I'll then turn my focus to my work in progress. I discovered I can't do both: querying and be able to write well. I'm too distracted by wondering about Agents replies, or if they do at all. I've also discovered I haven't queried The Longing as much as I thought I had. I need to forge ahead with grit. What will be will be.

* For my sins, I will blog my querying process. So fingers crossed.

Oh, there's no such thing as too many books, only not enough bookshelves.

80 Women

Sun, 03 Oct 2021 11:20:56 GMT

Times Up. Enough Really is Enough

This is not my usual blog. I felt I needed to say something regarding recent events. Yet I'm not sure I'm going to articulate fully what I want to say, how I feel.

Women in the UK are saying enough is enough.

We're calling out male violence, naming it for what it is.

More than eighty women have been murdered in the UK since March.

Two names I can't get out of my mind, and the countless names I don't know. I say a prayer for them before I go to sleep and think of them when I wake:

Sabina Nessa. Sarah Everard.

For those of you who don't know, who perhaps don't live in the UK, Sabina Nessa was a Primary School teacher who set off to see friends and never reached her destination. Sarah Everard was murdered by a serving police officer, who arrested her under false pretences. Abducted, raped and murdered her. I can't begin to imagine the grief their families are going through.

I'm angry.

Every women I know can tell a story or two of being afraid, scared witless.

Every women I know has had a close shave, a near escape. Or worse.

I'm tired of having to risk assess every time I go into a public space.

What have generations of women told their daughters? Carry keys through your fingers. Don't sit in an empty train carriage, but also don't sit where there are no women around. Don't sit on the top deck of a bus alone ~ especially after dark. Don't drive your car on near empty ~ "just in case." Don't park in a multi story, or next to a van, or anywhere with poor lighting. Don't wear shoes you can't run in. Don't talk to 'strange men.' Be nice, 'Because he could turn nasty.' Guard your drinks on a night out. Go to the loo with your girlfriends so you're not running a gauntlet from the bar alone. Don't walk in dark areas. Don't take short cuts. Don't wear 'provocative' clothing, cover up. Don't keep telling us not all men are bad, it's not helpful.

Don't just don't.

The list goes on and on and on...

We've normalised our defensive behaviour.

The murder of women has been normalised.

Toxic masculinity is killing women.

Enough is enough.

How about holding the police to account? How about the police put 'their house in order' by holding officers to account for their misogynistic attitudes. Which occupation has the highest domestic violence rate? No prizes for guessing its police officers. It's an open secret. 40% minimum of families of officers have experienced some type of domestic violence. The restraint they show at work is unleashed at home, and apparently that's ok. It's been reported recently by the BBC female police officers are afraid to call out their male officers for fear of retribution on the streets ( not receiving the assistance they require when needed).

1:3 women in the UK experience Domestic Violence ~ they are the cases we know about.

Last year during the Lockdowns, women admitted to A & E (Emergency Rooms) following a domestic violence rose 33%.

The stories I heard from colleagues working in these units are too graphic to spell out here. Suffice to say, hammers are often the weapon of choice.

How about violence against women being taken seriously by our politicians, and others in authority, and not just offering soundbites and platitudes when 'another' women is murdered? How about only voting for politicians who can actively demonstrate action not words?

'Good men' need to be calling out their brothers for banter, 'joking around,' rape jokes, pornography. Where some men 'get away' with the small stuff, like 'flashing,' and so escalation of violence starts. It's the unsolicited 'dick pics' on social meeting. Sliding into DMs to share 'chat up' or porn. Using fake names and avatars as they think they can get away with it.

How on earth do they think this is normal, respectful behaviour?

Enough is Enough.

Book Review or Not To Book Review?

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 12:59:54 GMT

Book Reviews

Just dipping in quickly to say, you may have noticed I've posted few book reviews this year, even though I've been reading lots! Perhaps I'm not the best book reviewer per se ~ I'm overwhelmingly positive and never give a bad review. If I read a book I dislike or couldn't finish I simply move on. For the most part, writers put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into producing a novel. Just because it's not to my taste doesn't make it a poor read.

Reviewing books takes a lot of time I don't necessarily have. I would want to be considerate and thoughtful in my response to reading a book and was finding instead I was rushing through the process. It was time away from my own writing and reading for pleasure. Reading and writing go hand in hand ~ or it should do. So, for the foreseeable future I'm focusing on my blog and Instagram (IG) posts ~ where I engage most. From September, on a regular basis, I will be posting book recommendations on IG that I think others might enjoy too without writing a whole blurb. This will free up some extra time to focus on writing my own best seller! Let me know what you think

La rentrée

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 12:36:28 GMT

La rentrée

La rentrée means 'the return' or 're-entry' into life. The French use the term to signify going back to school, or return to real life following the holidays. I haven't been on holiday this year but come September, I feel a definite sense of shrugging off summer and nestling down, despite today being a warm 28 degrees outside ~ don't you just love an Indian summer!

It has to be said I've been MIA on here, unintentionally, and it's done me the world of good. I've given my mind a rest, free from self imposed pressures. I was getting frustrated with writing, and worrying about querying. Trying to snag an Agent seems impossible, although I've had encouraging rejections ~ a contradiction in terms if every there was one. I kept saying to myself, telling people, I was about to start a round of querying again. Yet I couldn't press the send button. Then asked myself what is the matter with you? I'm such an over thinker. Missed last weeks 'pit mad' on Twitter too, though now have the next one on my phone's countdown for December ~ I will be ready. Plus, I've given myself a talking to ~ I need to go for it (round of traditional querying) one more time and if no joy, will put my manuscript to one side. Maybe it's not meant to be.

While I'm overthinking the querying process (does anyone actually enjoy querying)? I'm distracting myself from continuing on with my Work In Progress (WIP). To be fair, I have been a little more proactive even though I was stuck in my second draft. I liked the basic premise of my story and thought it was a good one, not wanting to give up on it, but couldn't move forward.

Earlier in the Summer I stumbled across two pieces of advice: Firstly, to paraphrase writer Dorothy Koomson, start anywhere. Start in the middle if you must, but just start writing. Secondly, 'Writers HQ,' if you're stuck, go back ten sentences and there will lie the problem. Both were not wrong.

Realising my story could be improved by starting at a different moment, I reorganised the chronology. What was the opening is currently the closing chapter (and likely to stay that way). Chapters have been shuffled around, re-written if not cut altogether. What was the middle has been moved to near the beginning, and have a new opening chapter which works so much better than before. I'm giving all my characters a second thought ~ they must all prove their worth in driving the story forward or risk being premaritally culled!

I'm now enthused about writing again, and can only be a good thing. La rentrée indeed.

Writers

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 14:50:37 GMT

Meanwhile I was buying sensible shoes and a nurses fob watch...

I remember being sixteen and having cool friends where I worked in a bookshop, who were so different from me. Artists ~ painters and musicians ~ who went to art school. Who smelt of turps and oil paint. Who carried guitar cases and wore leather jackets. They actually played in front of a paying live audience! Didn't matter they might not have been any good, they had the balls to do their own thing. Meanwhile I was buying sensible shoes and a nurses fob watch, doing the right thing (who for)? Girls like me shouldn't fill their heads with stuff and nonsense, who don't write books others might actually buy. I remember being sixteen (younger in fact) and being told by my inspirational English teacher I had a "way with words" and "don't let it go to waste."

I've often wondered how my life would have been different had I followed my heart, my passion and not conformed.

People love to know who you are, or at least, who they think you are. They're reassured by defining you by your work, career, or whatever you choose to call it. Like you can only be understood, respected , if you earn in a way that somehow offers up a defined value for others. You are dumped in a box of convenience. Their convenience that is. I'd grown up at a time when working class girls were under a lot of social pressure to confirm to a defined norm of who you were supposed to be. It's not that far back in time either.

I've been a 'Saturday Girl' in a hairdresser's and hated it, only lasting a few months. I was lucky not to have been fired for putting more perm lotion on a woman's hair instead of neutraliser. Oops! I left shortly after to go to work at a well known chain of Stationers instead. It did however pay a much needed weekly wage, and gave a lesson in how (some) women gossip and tear down others.

But I had some money coming in.

I trained as an 'old school' nurse under the guidance of dragon Sisters (if you know, you know). I've delivered over 500 babies (a fact that continues to astonish me). I discovered the value of discipline, hard work and offering service to others. All for an initial monthly pittance and a promise it will get better. I've been a Public Health nurse in the Australian Outback and discovered freedom. Freedom of attitudes ~ work to live, not live to work. The freedom to travel and be my authentic self ~ though I didn't know who that was yet, but knew she was hiding underneath there somewhere. Much later, I was a Lecturer for Post-Grad nursing students in London. Publishing Academic Papers I didn't feel naturally able to write, but was an essential part of the role (talk about Imposter Syndrome but that's a whole other story. It was, as you might expect, a different, jargonistic way of writing. Worlds away from being 'creative').

But I had money coming in.

At one point, I'd done the expected thing and got married, followed by the unexpected thing and got divorced, had affairs, and never lived it down with family (who are they to judge? Glass houses and all that). I've discovered there are folks who really don't like women deviating from the norm and being themselves. It's worse still if you're related to them.

But I had money coming in (just).

Yet underneath all this I kept my dream alive. Noodled in note-books. Kept a journal. Noted experiences and their consequences. Observed people during their every day lives. Daydreamed through endless, tedious management meetings, pretending to be anywhere else but there. Faking interest and nodding in all the right places in boring conversations. I could function in their world, but it felt soulless. I read novel after novel, books that didn't involve Management Theories, or the latest Leadership Tools.

Inside I was screaming my head off. Exhausted from working 18 hour days and dealing with pressures I didn't want to be under.

Of feeling I wasn't being my authentic self.

But I had money coming in.

But then...I had money coming in and realised it's never too late. I'd gained all important life experiences. I was going to change direction, plus I had a financial safety net.

"If not now, when?" I thought.

I was going to be that full time writer after all.

So I continue to read and write, write and read. Trying to cultivate a circle of writers around me, and for the most part succeeding. Wow, have I been on a steep learning curve or what! I took a reputable Writing a Novel course at Faber Academy in Bloomsbury. Publishing is a tough, cut throat business, but having met one or two sharks in a previous life, I've long grown a tough outer shell (I'm a pussy cat underneath though). The course offered invaluable tips and advice that money can't buy. A bonus too was realising I might actually be able to write after all, and fellow writers like what I produce. Makes my soul sing.

So here I am, working hard on that road to publishing (if it's the last thing I do). "She smiles."

Feeling Perky

Wed, 26 May 2021 13:35:02 GMT

So grateful

So grateful to have had my second COVID jab yesterday. Feeling perky this morning unlike last time where I fell asleep at the drop of a hat for two or three days. Felt like Alice in Wonderland's dormouse! I'm also relieved to have been offered the jab for the added protection and not least a step nearer towards normality. Shout out to our health service for being so efficient, capable and plain getting on with what they do best with a minimal of fuss.

Talking of normality, can't wait to see my bestie in about 10 days time for a weekend catch up in Canterbury. As we live in different areas of the country, and what with all the different rules, lockdowns and so on, it will be 18 months since we've seen each other. 18 months! We usually meet every three months so it's been a very long time, so much to catch up on. We have chatted on the phone once a week for the past year and messaged each other, but it's not the same is it? It's going to be emotional meeting up face to face. So excited.

Normal life does seem to be returning slowly but surely. This last week has seen an increase in DIY-ers and building work going on locally. I have builders on one side of where I live and builders on the other side of the street. Both homes are undertaking loft conversations ~ to be fair, one has nearly completed. They are considerate builders by all accounts as they try to keep the disruption to a minimum, but there's definitely an increase in background noise that's hard to ignore. What is a writer to do? When I'm planning, making notes or just plain people watching, I can sit in my favourite cafe and watch the world go by. Cake anyone? Oh how I've missed being able to do this! When it comes down to the nitty gritty of writing, getting the drafts and edits done, there's only one place to do it and that's home without distractions. I'm currently sitting tapping this out wearing a set of headphones playing earth sounds ~ rain and thunder storms. It's sooo relaxing and helps me concentrate, but I can't sit in headphones all day can I? I'll probably revert to my old habit of writing in the evening when it is more peaceful. I am a night owl after all.

Tell Your Truth

Thu, 13 May 2021 17:39:02 GMT

When you tell the truth...

"When you tell your truth it becomes part of your past. When you lie it becomes part of your future."

Wish I knew who to credit for this quote but it sums up perfectly one of the themes for my Work in Progress (WIP). I'm exploring family frailties and the lies we tell to hide our shame, and the consequences of such behaviour. I'm triggered by hearing the saying, 'Tell your truth.' When I hear that phrase I'm certain the person they're talking to are about to start lying. What is truth but reality from your own perspective? The blind belief others have they are correct. Am I paranoid, or is this my protagonist talking?

I'm making no apologies for a somewhat rambling posting. Stay with me.

Lies never do stay quiet. They hide in the shadows of family history, for decades even, until sparked by an incident. How female friendships are not quite what they seem. Who do you trust? How to deal with betrayal? What happens when the past collides with the present? Does it end happily? Nope! I'd rather it ended realistically and appropriately, after all, life is not necessarily happy ever after is it?

How to take these themes and make them my own? I've read so many thrillers / Domestic Noire this year ~ good and bad. Searching for the twist and turns. Looking at how the author exposes their themes and characterisation. Might be a great story but the characters have to keep up. If they're not credible, they fall flat and ruin it for me. How do I avoid making the same mistakes? What can I take from brilliant writing (they make it look easy)?

I like to get inside my character's headspace ~ does that make me weird?

I've become obsessed with finding out about family feuds. I'm staggered by how long family fallout's can last for, where the origins of an argument, a misunderstanding, are long forgotten. Everyone has their role to play in adulthood, adopting childhood realities. The role of parents, mothers, in creating unhealthy sibling rivalries.

These questions and more I've explored during the writing of my first draft of Mother Daughter Sister. I've always been intrigued by family dynamics and the secrets held from public view. Does anyone really know what goes on behind closed doors?

Once the outline of the story is in place I let the characters take over. They are strong female characters, flawed with a lifetime of experiences, driving the story along in unexpected ways. I'm being taken on a ride to unexpected places. Scenarios I hadn't originally thought of, yet they work.

I did say this was a rambling post, but it does sum up writing first drafts and the accompanying thought processes. I've recently started the second draft, where the real work begins. No character has been culled as yet, but they have to make their mark on the story, earn their place or else. Let's hope my characters don't lie to me or let me down.

It's Ok To Fail!

Wed, 28 Apr 2021 14:02:15 GMT

Mistakes Make For a Better Writer

As with anything in life, you have to make mistakes, fail even, to get on in life and be a success, whatever that means to you. Writing is no exception.

One of my biggest cringe moments as a full time writer was my entry for my writing course anthology. What should have been a display case of my best work to date turned into, for me, acute embarrassment. So eager was I to get something in print that in hindsight, I hadn't really thought it through as to how my work would be perceived, until it was too late. You'd think I'd give it more than a passing thought, eh? Rookie! Should've taken advice on what to show rather than pulling something together in a hurry. The entry wasn't even representative of my work, and there it is forever immortalised, god forbid. No, I'm not telling which anthology. What is for sure, my writing has improved considerably in the intervening years, but who would know? I can laugh now.

Then there was the time I gave a draft of my work in progress (WIP) ready for beta readers to a fellow writer. You trust that your reader will treat WIP with respect, like it's not for public consumption. I sent them a full copy even though my instinct was screaming at me to send only three chapters. Did I listen to my inner voice? Err, no! When they hadn't offered feedback to me after a while, I was horrified to discover they had taken my WIP into work and left it on the coffee table, complete with coffee cup stains no doubt. They couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. Even though they tried to reassure me they made a mistake by leaving my work for all to see, and subsequently shredded it, I couldn't get away from the feeling it had been read by others who were now laughing at my expense around the water cooler. In fact the incident did me a favour. I decided to completely re-write, in case, you know, ideas were stolen (yes, I was that paranoid). Turned out to be a much better, tighter version of my ideas, so thank you for your 'error,' as my work may not have otherwise developed in the way that it has.

Oh and then there's querying Agents. A necessary gruelling process if you want to publish the traditional route. In my previous life, I've had work published in professional journals and even presented at professional conferences (I know!). You pitch an idea for an article to a journal editor, they like it, you write said article and send it off to them. There's a bit of back and forth with their editorial critiques and changes to be made, but basically you know three months down the line your article will be published. You earn brownie point from your peers and lots of 'well done's!' Querying agents is a whole other ball game. Even armed with essential knowledge of how to go about submitting (seriously, do your homework) and support from writer chums, it's still a scary ordeal. It's not so much receiving replies (or not as the case maybe), I can deal with rejection, it's the pressing of the 'send' button that makes me sick with nerves. Even before that, it's the triple checking of each agents requests to ensure no mistakes are made in the submission. Very time consuming and necessary, luckily I'm usually a stickler for detail. Don't even get me started on writing a synopsis! I've had a few no replies at all, and that initially feels rude before realising how many submissions they have to trawl through, how could they possibly reply to everyone? Most agents have responded kindly and a few have been encouraging. One or two have said that if I don't find an agent to offer them first dibs on my next manuscript. So I hang on to that offer when things get tough.

Until next time...stay safe and keep writing!

The Inspiration Behind The Longing

Sat, 27 Mar 2021 19:52:20 GMT

How The Longing Was Inspired

by the women I met in my Career

The Longing is a novel, a Domestic Noire dealing with themes of family relationships, child abuse, friendships and the lies we tell to hide our truth. Where is our emotional tipping point when we desire what we can't have and will do anything to achieve it? My experience in a previous working life, prior to being able to focus on writing, feeds into my novel and offers credibility around the narrative of difficult topics. This is not a tale of child protection, although it is touched upon!

Many moons ago I worked as a Midwife before becoming a health visitor, a nursing post-graduate qualification in specialist practice enabling me to work with 'children and families.' Working mostly with vulnerable families who needed extra support from health and social services, including child protection work. My peers and I were trained 'old school' and had the autonomy of own caseloads of families from birth until they attended school ~ unless the family moved away. It meant continuity of working with families over long periods of time and getting to know them well, especially important when working in child protection. Child protection was stressful, exhausting and sometimes a terrifying area of work to be in. It was also immensely satisfying when families turned their lives around, or as a last resort, children were found another permanent home away from their parents. I did work my way up the career ladder and found myself in middle management roles, overseeing health visiting teams and teaching in London. Oh my word, talk about stressful! Long commutes and never ending working hours. My peers and I survived on the three 'C's,' carbs, caffeine and for some, cigarettes. Let's not forget the out of hours alcohol. Not healthy, but fed into (pun intended) into depicting Jen's, the protagonist in The Longing, working life in London. As one of my friends and beta reader said, don't forget the muffins!

So, I am indebted to the hundreds, possibly thousands, of women, clients and other professionals, who crossed my path and influenced my perspective on women's roles in society. From all walks of life they juggled parenting with relationships and work pressures and not always successfully ~ it is an almost impossible task. It's okay after all to be a 'good enough' mother. This is not a new paradigm, however I do think women have fallen prey to the trope of having it all. The pressures upon women after childbirth to return to their careers (too) early for fear of missing out on promotion, status or god forbid, wasting their education, weighs heavy on them. Other women were almost reluctant to admit to wanting to be a 'stay at home mum.' At the risk of being controversial, motherhood is viewed by the wider society as an unpaid role with low status and little meaning to the world at large. Relegated to being a menial task? Where career woman are not supposed to admit to longing for a child of your own? Idea's and questions for a storyline were being formed:

What if you're childless not by choice and unable to move on with your life?

What if the alternatives, adoption or surrogacy, are not feasible or palatable for you?

Would you consider literally anything to become a mother?

What if you turned a friends problem to your solution?

Life doesn't always deliver what you want but gives you what you need.

I ought to say that it goes without saying all my characters are pure fiction ~ they are not based on anyone I know ~ and rules of confidentiality have been maintained. However, characters have been influenced by many people over the years so the right feel has been captured in terms of behaviours and scene setting.

I do a lot of plotting and research before I commit to a first draft and let the characters take over. For example, I needed to discover whether it was possible to buy midwifery equipment on-line. Tapped in details on e-bay and lo and behold dear reader, you can indeed order midwifery equipment on line. The real deal, not toys! I didn't even have to enter my (then) nursing registration number in order to buy. Shocked but not surprised and it meant a plot point was plausible.

The seeds for my novel were sown, setting the wheels of The Longing in motion. Jennifer, my protagonist had wings.

National Reflection Day

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 12:27:00 GMT

Today is National Reflection Day, a year since the first UK lockdown.

T oday is a time of reflection to consider those who have lost their lives, and been affected by this Pandemic.

T o day is a time to reflect and give thanks for our amazing, incredible health service and all the other essential services for keeping this country going against all odds.

T oday is a time to reflect on the S cient ist's who worke d together world wide to produce Vaccines safely in record time.

I received mine a couple of weeks ago and was giddy with excitement! It was an emotional time as well as realisation dawned that the light at the end of the tunnel really was in sight.

T oday is a time for me to reflect upon my two nephews (15yrs and 19yrs) who have had their lives put on hold. Yet, they have borne this year with humour, strength of character and resilience. They had everything to complain about but didn't. They know they are living through history.

Doesn't seem possible a year has passed. I remember thinking after the PM gave his speech to the nation, that the restrictions would be for three weeks, maybe six weeks at most and then we'll be back to normal. How naive, and probably just as well we don't know what was to be around the corner. Oh my gosh, the initial shock of being told to go home and stay home. How quiet the village was the following morning ~ no traffic sounds of the school run, or buses, people going to work. Do you remember how loud the birds seemed to be?

It's likely not going to be until the summer, maybe even 2022, before life has any semblance of normality. Mind you, do we really want to go back to all the old ways, hmm? Until then, take care of yourselves!

It's Been A While!

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 16:50:27 GMT

It's been a while!

Hello and welcome to my refreshed website / blog.

I've taken an unplanned hiatus from here the past few months, not least as I wanted the space to plan how to move forward, and so here we are!

It has a different look and remains a work in progress. I've moved a few of my postings across from my old blog so the new page doesn't look too empty ~ hopefully it won't look like I'm starting from scratch. They are somewhat random and now plan to post at least a couple of times a month. I'm sure once COVID restrictions start to be lifted over the coming months then I can be more creative ~ lockdown and restrictions have dulled my responses I've found ( have to say I was shocked that happened). I've missed doing lots of things over the past year or so ~ seeing friends, going out to lunch, embracing the Arts, and just good old people watching! I've kept in touch of course but it's not the same as seeing folk face to face. I also didn't appreciate how much actual human contact feeds the creative juices.

My Gallery will be updated as soon as I'm out and about more. Expect to see connections with writing and random topics as well ~ just to keep me on my toes.

Book Reviews ~ I love to read and fell in love with books from a very young age. I'll highlight books read each month. My reviews have no spoilers ~ I share the genre and an overview of the story as well as how it makes me feel. I don't give too much away as I feel it's not fair to the writer. I keep a book journal and log my thoughts on the books I've read. This means I can capture the immediacy of how the story captured my imagination. My reviews are intended to suggest a good read that you yourself might like. I'm reading a lot of Thrillers at the moment as that influences and inspires my own work in progress. No plagiarism of course ( wouldn't dare and to do so is unprofessional), remember, reading and writing go hand in hand. I like to see how other writers develop their plots with twists and turns, keeping the suspense intrigue going, or not as the case maybe!

Thank you for reading, until next time...

Keeping A Lid On It and Other Factors

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 17:16:23 GMT

We're in week gazillion of Lockdown in UK and hope you're all keeping safe and well. Don't know about you, but I'm beginning to enjoy being in a bubble perhaps a bit too much, I'm not sure I want to get used to this new 'normal,' for there's nothing normal about any of this at all. Don't know about you, but I don't want to be in a world where there is advice to cover my face in some public places, social distancing and I can't hug my friends.

When we first went into Lockdown I thought, "Yippee, all this peace and quiet to write!" How wrong was I? It has proved near impossible. Apparently, the inability to concentrate is a world wide phenomenon and many writers have found it tricky committing words to paper, or settling down to read a good book. It's in the way our brains are processing these strange times. Or maybe it's just me then? Strange times or otherwise, here is what I've discovered over the last two or three months.

~ The peace and quiet and relative calm was startling at first, but once nestled into, found it to be good for the soul.

~ Material things are not necessary. Not having endless access to retail therapy doesn't matter. Not being able to browse in a book shop or two does matter. I miss the smell of books, and not least, finding a new gem to read.

~ Did I mention the Peace? No traffic, no aircraft noise, but sadly, no human activity also - at least in the early days. The birds though are chirping really loudly - can really appreciate the different sounding tweets and whistles.

~ For the time being anyway, I'm putting myself first. I'm enjoying managing my day to day to my own timetable. I'm doing what I want, not need to do.

~ Housework be damned, no-ones visiting! Mind you, at the weekend I started a belated spring clean. I have so much stuff, why?

~ Going out for daily exercise. How excited can one person get on leaving the house for an hour! Now that my local Country Park has opened and I'm allowed to drive to it...oh heaven! I'm even talking to the trees and saying thank you for doing their thing. Trees are magical you know.

~ That's the other thing, how Nature has sprung into life in a matter of weeks unseen by humans. Not seeing the same landscape on a daily basis, the woodland paths are amazingly lush and green. So many squirrels and rabbits (wonder what they think about the return of us humans)? As for the sky, how turquoise and pollution free it is.

~ Not using Zoom, boom or whatever it's called. I'm no dinosaur when it comes to technology, but there is a comfort in picking up a phone for a chat. No more texting, messaging and the like. Call me old fashioned but I really don't care.

~ Re-discovered the joys of meditating, otherwise known as sitting in the afternoon sun with my eyes closed. Hippy dippy music played through headphones so as not to disturb others.

~ Relishing for the time being, not wearing makeup. I quite like the freedom. I quite like wearing it too ~ time and place and all that.

~ Contemplating that my laundry load is considerably lighter. Not being able to socialise and lolling about in PJ's has its upside - less clothes to worry about.

~ Legitimately can binge watch TV, Netflix, Youtube and no-one accuses you of slacking off.

So yes, I'm enjoying my bubble and not in a hurry to re-enter the world as yet. Baby steps...Am I bonkers? Possibly, but I won't be the only one I'm sure.

Just to say, I recently wrote a similar article on Instagram recently.

So Here We Are

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 17:12:25 GMT

Things being what they are, I've had an awful lot of time to think, and I've been reflecting back over my 2019 ~ what a year and not all for the right reasons. Doesn't matter how young or old you are it pays to review where you're at every now and then. Are you on the right track? How well do you feel? What needs to change. Have to say I kicked to the curb a lot of toxicity in my life and have never felt better.

Ditch the dye!

In April 2019 I 'ditched the dye' after decades of drenching my hair with chemicals. Brown, pinks, various shades of red and blonde, I loved mixing it up. I'd been playing with the idea of not dyeing my hair and see what my real hair was like. Could I really tolerate being grey, silver or white ~ whatever it would turn out to be? I stumble across my 'silver sisters' on Instagram (where else) and was totally inspired. Women from all around the world, all ages, happily embracing who they are ~ sharing their transitional journey. How inspiring! I thought, "Yes you can do this!" So I did. Now, 14 months later, I feel like my authentic self and I think it's because I'm no longer playing a game set by other people's standards. Mind you, the process is teaching me patience as it'll be another 6 - 8 months before my new look is completed, I think. I'm amazed at how silver and white my hair is now. Also, no hairdresser and no salon opening in the foreseeable future I've taken things into my own hands. Nothing drastic mind, and you can't buy hairdressing scissors for love nor money, so I've been 'trimming the ends' with nail scissors. It's quite addictive. If I say so myself, the end result isn't too bad ~ my hairdresser might disagree when she next sees my mop!

untitled image

Sugar is poison!

This should come as no surprise to anyone, but sugar is in fact a poison. 2019 was the year I finally took on this little devil, triggered by ill health. My joints were inflamed ~ a shock since in my head I was still in my early thirties, too young for this sort of thing. Arthritis had indeed reared its ugly head. I went from pirouetting at home and dancing around the furniture; running 5k three or four times a week to not being able to weight bear. Coupled with the fact that my skeleton was out of kilter I needed to take drastic action. Initially I'd found a wonderful Chiropractor who was also qualified to undertake Acupuncture, and she worked her magic ~ albeit it took 6 months to see a big difference in my skeletal health.

What's sugar got to do with all this? Sugar is a 'food' source that inflames joints, so if you have arthritis refined sugar is not going to help the matter. I ought to say here that I'm not a doctor and so a proviso would be for you to seek appropriate medical attention in the first instance if you want to make any lifestyle changes. This is what I've found helped me. In July last year I decided enough was enough and stopped eating refined sugar and processed foods (as processed foods hide a lot of sugar in their products). I'm not going to lie, the first few weeks were really difficult, but I ignored the cravings. Along the way, I also ditched acidic foods and I had to do my homework here. Shout out to Suzie Grant and her book, 'Alternative Ageing,' as well as the Arthritis Society. I also started taking Tumeric and Black Pepper capsules twice a day. Tumeric is a well known anti-inflammatory and there is research to support the health giving benefits of taking these capsules (my Chiropractor

Giving up sugar was really, really difficult for the first three weeks and then amazing things happened: 1) I'm pain-free ~ the greatest incentive to maintain being refined sugar free. 2) I don't mind having to give up drinking Prosecco. No not one bit. No not really. 3) My sugar levels are on an even keel. I no longer get the drastic high and lows that eating sugar brings. No afternoon slump. No cravings. 4) I feel so much better! I have my energy back and more importantly, since November have been totally pain free ~ no twinges or aches and pains ~ I'm back to exercising (my daily morning walk). 5) Am losing weight ~ I needed to ~ and this has been the icing on the cake (pun intended). As of New Year I've started doing Pilates to keep me limber.

Watch this space!

Why Black Lives Matter

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 17:11:06 GMT

I don't know who this picture belongs to. If you do, let me know and I'm more than happy to credit fully.

I've set to writing this blog so many times in the last week before pressing delete. Not knowing where to start, or if I'm making sense, nor of wanting to appear insensitive. More importantly, I didn't want to add to the chorus of white voices that potentially mute the voices of those that truly matter. I don't know if I'm going to make sense, but here goes.

I like to think I'm 'aware' of BME issues, diversity and culture. For 10 years or so of my previous career, before focusing on writing full-time, I worked as a senior manager and as a lecturer in the field of health visiting / Public Health ~ managing teams that worked with vulnerable families and children in south east and east London. For those of you who may not know, these are areas that are population dense, deprived and multi-cultural. This is what I've learned from that experience.

My colleagues were predominately Black and often attended meetings and be the only non black person around the table, and that was ok by me. I doubt if I gave it a thought. I also enjoyed listening to their stories of their family lives and plans for the future. The generosity of sharing food. They showed me how to wear a sari ~ if only I could now find the photo! Quietly honouring their right to adhere to the rules of Ramadan and the celebration of EID. They raised knowing eyebrows when they heard that I commuted in from the (white) 'burbs, but seemed to forgive me anyway. I taught alongside black colleagues, each of us as scared as the other when we won the right to speak at our professional conference (knowing peers and colleagues from around the UK would be there). This was following an article we had published in a Journal. We were in high demand!

All through this they rarely spoke of race and racism. They rarely spoke of the challenges they faced that I could only imagine. Never spoke of why black and asian youths form gangs and bear (illegal) arms, though we all knew where the gang boundaries were, aligned by postcode. They prayed for their sons, and to a lesser extent their daughters, would not be groomed for such a purpose. We were all afraid of what we witnessed in the 2011 Riots, in London especially. But then again, I could leave it behind, couldn't I? Back to the countryside with no fear of a molotov cocktail thrown through my front room window.

So I patted myself on the back for apparently being inclusive, understanding and enlightened. I'm glad of the experience of working in culturally diverse areas, and I'm grateful for many career insights and support from my senior black colleagues. But, it's only now I realise just how tired they were of explaining of how they lives were different from their white colleagues. Yes, they were regarded as equal in the workplace, but that is until they took off their metaphorical work uniform. I would never experience the micro aggressions shown towards them on a regular basis. Or the downright ugliness on the Streets. The worry of whether their sons will make it home without being apprehended by the police for an offence real or imagined.

The last couple of weeks or so I've been reflecting on my time working in London. Memories of infrequent conversations and their shared recollections of hated phrases aimed at them (not by me), including:

"They're just like us really."

"We're colour blind, we don't notice their colour."

"We're all the same really."

Why do these phrases (and similar) matter? Because although the statements were intended to show a form of solidarity, the words and phrases are from the perspective of being white ~ the so called benchmark of what is normal and acceptable in society. By the fact that people had uttered those words demonstrated an inherent inequality, if not racism ~ the one thing they were trying to avoid.

What triggered this blog? The above amongst other things, and seeing postings on social media that said, 'All lives matter.' Well they do, but that is to wholly miss the point. Invariably the postings come from my white peers. Some to be passive - aggressive in their racist underpinnings, but mostly, dare I say it, out of ignorance. Whether you like it or not it comes from a position of white privilege. Hashtag, Black Lives Matter is not a new statement but is central to what is happening predominately in the US, but no less relevant to the UK. When Black Lives Matter is stated, they don't mean only black lives matter. It is stated to highlight the fact that racism is systemic and institutionalised. People are imprisoned or murdered simply because of the colour of their skin. By saying All Lives Matter is to be dismissive and to reduce the affect of inequality and brutality. It ignores the underlying problem that is racism.

Along with many other I posted a 'black square' on social media before realising that it's no longer enough to be a 'performative ally.' That is, to be superficial in showing sympathy and solidarity before going back to our own lives once more. We need to be seen to be an 'anti racist ally.' It's a tough call, we need to find the courage, and I certainly don't have all the answers. I need to educate myself further and most of all listen. We need to listen to their voices not ours. White voices have spoken enough, or maybe not enough. Be ready to step up to the plate when the time comes, as it will.

Finding The Right Location

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 17:07:56 GMT

My novel, The Longing, is a domestic noire, a thriller with many twists and turns, and is currently doing the rounds of Agent Querying. Without giving all the game away, my protagonist Jen, who is childless, plans to steal her friend Ella's baby when born, which may or may not include murder. I mean, just how far would you go to turn a friends problem to your solution?

When I was researching, plotting and planning, before even starting to write the first draft, I gave a lot of thought to the location of various scenes. Getting the setting or settings right is as important as any other aspect of a novel. I wanted the locations to reflect Jen's thoughts and feelings. I specifically needed somewhere that not only contrasted with east London and north Kent, but where Jen could also hide in plain sight of the local community.

The East London location was easy ~ loosely based on Hoxton and Whitechapel. Busy, diverse and a world away from locations on the Kent coast.

I know the coastal towns quite well, each town having it's own personality and quirkiness. From Margate with its quintessential seaside front, along with a theme park, Dreamland, and not to mention The Turner gallery. But, the town was too brash, busy and sparkly for my storyline. To Broadstairs with its beautiful sandy beach, and various festivals including Dickens Festival held in the third week of June, and Folk Music Festival held in August. Close, but no cigar!

Deal is 84 miles from London and is situated where the North Sea meets the Channel. It is an old fashioned seaside town that is calm and gentle and lends a certain charm to the storyline.

It has a pier with a lovely cafe ~ one or two scenes are based here.

The sculpture below is sited aDeal has a long esplanade to stroll along, connecting Deal with the neighbouring town of Walmer. Past working fishing vessels and up to the Castle. A beautiful sea front with candy coloured houses. Scenes set in the pub / restaurant were inspired by The Royal Hotel and Boathouse Restaurant. On a nice sunny day you can sit on the terrace and look out to sea, and if you squint, the purple haze on the horizon is France.

D eal would prove to be the perfect setting for an imperfect crime.

I Need To Get Out More!

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 16:56:20 GMT

We've only been in Lockdown for four months and it feels like forever. My best friend and me were only saying recently it's like we've been benched from life, like some errant footballer that has to sit out all future matches and watch miserably from the sidelines instead ~ except we are all in the same boat with the rest of the world, aren't we? Missing terribly not being able to see friends, going out for lunch, the cinema, trips to the Theatre (we've had to cancel three weekend theatre trips already). Logically we know all this, weirdness, won't last forever but it has been hard. It's obviously been affecting me as last week I'd taken to photographing empty benches on my daily walk! They look so lonely and forlorn.

Still, life is slowly beginning to get back to normal, including a recent visit to the hairdressers. The joy of my hair receiving professional attention after my trimming it with nail scissors since April. It's a small salon and I was the only client there late afternoon ~ 'one in, one out.' My hairdresser was dressed as though for surgery rather than my haircut, and that was all right by me; she was following the necessary rules. Nevertheless it was weird having your hair washed by someone wearing gown and gloves and having a masked conversation. I too wore a plastic apron and own mask throughout and have to say after half and hour I was sweltering, but needs must!

I had my shopping list and knew what I needed to buy and where ~ I wanted to 'hit and run.'

Since my last visit, a 'keep left' system was in place around the mall, and shops had their own one way system to keep customers safe. No more dilly dallying! Some folk wore masks, and the shop staff that I came into contact with all wore masks or face visors, respectfully keeping their distance. They were to a person smiley and upbeat.

It was only when I got home that I realised how anxious other shoppers had been. People appeared unsure (fearful of making a 'social distancing' error, of not doing the right thing?) Frowning, no laughter, no smiling. It had become a brave new world and I'm not sure that I like it. Maybe this time next year we'll look back and laugh at 2020, patting ourselves on the back for enduring this unexpected crisis with our renowned stiff upper lip.

We're Off To Paris...Just Not Yet!

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 21:14:07 GMT

My best friend and me were talking recently about how Lockdown has got us reflecting on our lives ~ how life is so short, 'don't know what's round the corner,' and so on. So many of our plans for this year have been dashed. We both agree that 2020 is turning out to be quite *&?*@! We're both positive, if not pragmatic, realising that COVID isn't going anywhere any time soon. Mind you, what we do have are our bucket list of trips to look forward to, including a trip to the Far East in 2022 ~ we'll need to book beginning of next year (always the plan since pre-COVID).

While keeping fingers crossed our planned weekend theatre trip in December will still go ahead (watch this space), we both agreed for our sanity's sake to plan a trip for the relative near future ~ somewhere to look forward to and won't cost the earth. Something to get us through the rest of the year ~ hopefully the home run of this COVID crisis.

So although it won't be until next spring, it is a hop, skip and a jump on Eurostar (international train from London). They're only an hour ahead time wise, and I can speak French. Well, ok, school girl french ~ Bonjour, s'il vous plait and merci, the basics! Think I can just about order coffee and something to eat in french. Parisians very much appreciate if you at least try to speak french, and saying Bonjour goes a long way. Yes, we're going to Paris and we are so excited!

Just realised that after January 1, 2021 we will need a Visa to visit France ~ welcome to post Brexit shenanigans!

Love and Grief Entwined

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 21:09:35 GMT

This profound quote stopped me in my tracks. With the way of the world at the moment, and all the inherent anxieties and concerns, this resonated deeply. It sums up how we might be feeling about life after the last few months of uncertainty and chaos.

I leave it there.

First Drafts ~ The Agony!

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 21:05:37 GMT

Imposter Syndrome is real and I think most, if not all, creative types suffer from it at one time or another ~ that you're not good enough, nor ever will be. We ask ourselves, why do we even bother? Writing is a contradictory process and first drafts can really make you question yourself and your choices!

The Joy of First Drafts.

Let's not forget the joys that is first drafts, where we are simply in the process of getting our ideas down; laying out the story, warts and all. Did I say simply? Hah, far from it! What is true, first drafts are where our mistakes are made. First drafts are rough and (not) ready, raw yet beautiful. You will have too many words or not enough. Maybe non descriptive, or too much purple prose (my personal bugbear). This rough version will only bear a resemblance to the final product as further drafts and edits will transform it into the jewel you know it can be. It takes time. It's hard, frustrating work. I've metaphorically thrown my work in progress (WIP) across the room more than once in frustration.

Here's a tip: Trust your instincts in knowing what's working and what's not ~ your gut will tell you the true barometer of your work ~ and of learning the art and craft of writing.

Here's another tip: Trust in your ability and learn not to share your work too early ~ no matter how anxious or keen you are for feedback. Wait until it's the best you can get it to at that moment in time before seeking advice and / or beta readers.

You're not supposed to edit as you go in first drafts ~ but rules are meant to be broken.

I printed off what I had written so far and took a long hard look and this is what I discovered, in no particular order:

What wasn't working?

I'd started the story in the wrong place. This turned out to be one of the key factors in stifling my flow.
Therefore, it turned out the following chapters were in the wrong order ~ in the way that wouldn't hook a reader interest (it wasn't doing it for me, so you know, it wouldn't be doing so for a future reader).
Rearranging the opening chapters meant I had to double check and tweak the chronological order to ensure the 'hooks' and 'red herrings' are in the right place and flow correctly.

What was working?

The POV was the correct one ~ and I'm now telling the story from both sisters point of view, all the better to capture the twist and turns.
The setting is in the right place ~ the geography and landscape add to the story line.
The overall storyline and plot points are working (relief I can tell you).
Carefully going back and forth in time without causing confusion ~ an important, essential factor.

So pleased I trusted my instincts to stop and reflect, and remove the stumbling blocks. I now really enjoy once more the process of sitting down each afternoon to write. Oh, it's now become a 'domestic-noire,' rather than a jolly trip to the seaside! I like my stories dark.

It's Been Too Long

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 20:57:57 GMT

What can I say? I haven't blogged for about 3 months ~ I blame Covid Fatigue for my lack of inspiration on here.

One thing I know about myself is that routine bores me. Doing the same thing over and over and over...I loose motivation. Trouble is, with the COVID situation and various rules to abide by, the variety in life has gone out the window. The mental stimulation of going to the cinema or art gallery, seeing friends for lunch or a theatre trip have all but disappeared. These are what I need to inspire and cajole me along have gone for now. I'm probably not the only one to struggle creatively, it just feels like it some days.

Nevertheless, I still manage to write almost daily, working on my WIP. Sometimes it's a short paragraph, other days it may be a 1000 words or more. If not writing I'm thinking about my characters, plot and other details.

I've not long come back from a much needed two week break in Devon. Booked last year, long before Covid was a whisper, after months of uncertainty of whether it was going to be possible, we finally got to go on holiday. Never has a break been more needed! South Devon is beautiful and the weather did us proud. Sunny and warm with only the odd rain shower. Staying in the place where my WIP, My Absent Sister, is set was just the tonic I needed. I could double check the details of storyline with the location as I wandered around Dartmouth (I'm such a stickler and not least a planner).

Being away for those two weeks has been good for my mental health, affording me space and much needed perspective on my life right now. I feel refreshed and positive to take on the next 6 months and what it will throw at us all. As for my WIP, the first draft is coming along nicely.

Friluftsliv!

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 20:55:32 GMT

Who knew that I was practicing 'Friluftsliv' going about my morning walk? A nordic concept literally translated means,

'Free air living!' COVID restrictions not withstanding, how wonderful it is to meet and walk with friends in the open air regardless of the weather.

Grateful for the fact that this country park is still accessible during lockdown2 (in England). In Sweden the ability to be able to walk freely in nature is called, 'allmansrätten,' although I have to say the name sounds like a dessert!

The colours are definitely autumnal and there is a sense that nature is going to sleep. It is rather peaceful. Being in nature calms the mind, clears the head and encourages one to be in the moment. Mindfulness, concentrating in the here and now, is a positive activity in these uncertain and sometimes chaotic times.

Merry Christmas

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 20:07:11 GMT

Merry Christmas!

Oh my gosh, what a year it has been for us all! Hope you are all safe and well.

I've lost and found my writing mojo ~ most noticeable on here I guess. Never mind, I can always start anew in January. Yesterday's Winter Solstice when the day is at its shortest and the night is long, has always been special to me. It marks a time of Hope (this year more than ever) and as the days grow longer once more, I know that Spring is around the corner. I also know that the worst of the winter weather is ahead, but I never let that sway me from keeping a positive state of mind.

My Christmas tree, in all its glory, has been up since the beginning of November ~ early even for me! The need for sparkle, lights and baubles has never been more needed. Squashed as it is into a limited space it takes pride of place.

Christmas hasn't been cancelled this year, it's going to be different that's all. Perhaps for some people, celebrations with family and friends have had to be cancelled due to restrictions. Even though we know it is for the greater good it's still tough. Maybe you're now forced to spend Christmas alone? This can be difficult ( or maybe not? Maybe you're relieved not to be juggling visits to family across country)? Instead, you can please yourself! Eat your favourite meal for Christmas lunch and not what tradition dictates. Binge watch your favourite movies without having to share the controls. Take a nap if you like without being judged. Sit around in pyjama's! Er, maybe that's not so different, lol. Sounds selfish? Maybe, but now's the time to reflect, to charge your batteries. A chance to take stock of life. Make sure you contact and reach out to others if feeling lonely. I expect they'll be feeling the same too. Have Christmas drinks via Zoom ~ not the same but you'll be staying connected and making memories.

Thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read my blog this year, and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Take care and stay safe.